The House on Sorority Row

In 6^th grade I loved to watch a program called Svengoolie and would plan my weekend around it accordingly. Svengoolie was a local Chicago program broadcasted on WCIU Channel 26 The ‘U,’ the same channel that brought us late night weekly re-runs of the defunct classic sitcom “Married with Children.” Svengoolie, played by Richard Koz, is a dying breed of horror hosts who dresses up as a ghoul and presents a horror film while simultaneously mocking it with long-running gags and diverse media. One such gag is the repeated phrase “Berwyn” at random moments throughout the broadcast, a reference to a Chicago suburb of the same name. Julian used to tell me about how his 6^th grade class always enjoyed capitalizing on that joke, much to science teacher Ms. Binter’s chagrin. A student would say, “Beeeeerrrrrwynnnn,” and she would respond in a flash of rage, “Yes. Yes, BERWYN, a suburb of CHICAGO. And I don’t see why that is so funny to you!”

Apparently Richard Koz is my friend Brian Judycki’s mom’s cousin. I was so excited when I found that out, and even more excited when one day, after the showing of “House on Sorority Row” I could finally put that to the test when it was announced that Svengoolie himself was going to appear in a special chat room on the Internet to talk with his beloved fans. With the help of my dad, I got on and signed into the chat room and kept typing over and over again:

“Svengoolie! PLEASE respond to this! You are my best friend’s mom’s cousin! Are you related to a Judycki? This is NOT a joke!”

But Svengoolie never replied, and other chat room members just mocked me: “Oh and he is my aunt’s cousin’s dog’s sister’s boyfriend too.” Then, perhaps overwhelmed by his fan base, Svengoolie left the chat room and I was disappointed.

I went to band practice the next morning, excited to tell Dave about how the killer in the movie I watched on Svengoolie turned out to be a clown, and Dave had a fear of clowns so I thought that was just the coolest thing. He was really unresponsive when I gave him the synopsis and I was kind of bothered that he was not excited like me. A little while later I found out from his girlfriend Tiffanie that his dog Max had run away. She sat next to me in band because we both played saxophone. And truthfully, I felt quite embittered that Dave told his girlfriend about what was bothering him over telling me, his best friend. I guess I was instilled with that maxim of bros before ho’s early on. At any rate, Tiffany ended up breaking up with Dave not long afterward at the junior high Halloween Dance. Dave went all-out and dressed up as a Chiquita banana, and she broke up with him.